WHEN YOUR DOG VISITS YOU IN YOUR DREAMS

Last night my dog Buddy came to me in a dream the way sometimes dearly departed souls visit you when you least expect it and the experience is so visceral, so deep that it both hurts and heals.

I was in the country with a friend checking out a farm for sale. I exited one of the many tattered barns and as I came around the bend Buddy was just standing there.  He appeared as a hologram floating in the mist, in the fog.

It had been almost a decade since we last were together. I thought of him every day and while most of the thoughts were happy and provided me with wonderful memories of our life together; there were always those waves that washed over me at night - a tide burying me somewhere in the sand.

But now he stood in front of me and the hologram transitioned into all of Buddy and his beauty - just the way I remembered him -- healthy, handsome and goofy of course.

Buddy was quite a character. He was my birthday present when I turned 30 ( a Flat Coat Retriever we adopted from a shelter) and shortly thereafter I received a diagnosis that rocked my world. I was sick for years and Buddy was right there with me all the way.

Buddy went everywhere with me and his Dad. For anyone who plans their vacations and any outings entirely around their dog - you can understand how integral their companionship and presence is in your life.

Like most dogs he had his wild and uninhibited side. He chased a family of skunks into their den and well let's just say they all partook in his communal shower. He got us kicked out of a campground because he decided it would be a good idea to visit each and every site/trailer to say hello and see if the hosts might offer him a hot dog or even better a steak.

He ran onto a lake that was thinly covered in ice, fell through and started swimming away from the shore. I snaked out on the ice to rescue him knowing that we both could succumb to hypothermia and drown. 

His life came before mine and then that same winter I fell through the ice while walking Buddy. He pulled me back up to the surface putting my life before his.

He loved Friday nights and quickly figured out how to grab the Challah (bread) from the kitchen counter.

One night while we were all asleep he found a fresh apple pie (definitely pre-meditated having watched us that afternoon unpack the groceries). He ate the entire pie and then hid the plate under the couch.

 He ate everything and anything - there were socks and underwear coming out of him like a washer/dryer. He farted so bad you had to clear the room and not come back for 30 minutes (and he smiled with pride each time).

But mostly he was a wonderful, warm companion and he was my son.

One night at the age of 13, after a great day of swimming in the lake and running in the woods - he collapsed from a massive stroke - no warning, no chance to say a real goodbye and by morning he was gone.

 I remember being at the Vet and holding hime not wanting or knowing how to leave. Given he had not deteriorated from Cancer or some other disease, his beautiful face, glistening coat - were still in tact. The light had left his eyes and I could feel part of his soul slip into mine. Then he departed to a far better place.

I went through the same process as everyone - wondering if he knew how much I loved him and wishing I had said thank you more - thank you for enriching my life the way only a dog can.

In the dream - he came to me and we hugged - I held him as close as I could never wanting to let go but he was being summoned and I could hear the calls like a whisper in the wind.

He told me he was in a safe and happy place with other dogs. They all watched out for one another and they played and shared their peanut butter/cheese/cookie Kongs.

He told me he loved me and missed me as much as I did him and that although it was rare for him to be able to penetrate the wall between our world and his beautiful place of peace; he was able to do so for fractions of a second from time to time.

Then he walked away and vanished into the white, into the blue, into a place I have never been.

Maybe forever but I hope not because forever is far too long.

Dogs are a gift. They are only with us for a short time but in that period they teach us what it really means to love and to be in the moment. They make us better people.

Bless you Buddy.

And to my readers everywhere - Bless the precious souls you have lost. I hope they visit you in your dreams.

SAYING GOODBYE TO YOUR DOG

Dogs are incredible souls.

They are gifts.

We don’t have them for long but while we do have them they bless and enrich our lives. They love us from the time we bring them home until the light leaves their eyes and we become so accustomed to having them around that without them our lives become silent and empty.

                                                    Buster (2007-2010) F*ck Cancer

Dogs don’t care if you are fat or skinny, old or young, having a really bad hair day or if you are rich or poor.

They just love you.

They miss you the second you leave the house and they are there to greet you the second you open the door.

They think that the greatest thing in the whole wide world (aside from rawhide) is spending time with you.

They are funny not knowing they are funny and not meaning to be funny.

They each have their own unique personalities and traits. Some like to eat your socks, others your shoes, some bark, some talk and others hump the couch but it seems no matter what they do or destroy, your love for them grows and grows.

A dog is the best kind of friend.

They listen, they don’t talk back, they remain neutral when you are discussing an incident, they let you make your own decisions, they stay by your side when you are sick or sad or both, they give freely of their affection including mega-kisses and they always want to play with you.

They know your deepest darkest secrets. They have seen everything. They protect and guard you and they watch you even when you don’t realize they are watching you.

There’s a light, a sparkle, in their eyes that remains brightly lit. They are forever curious and compassionate and they accept and love you always.

You love your dog and when the time comes for his/her journey to end whether it is prematurely from Cancer or late in their lives from age, you honour and respect them by doing what is best for them - not for you.

For anyone who has held their dog in their arms through his/her very last breaths, you know that there is nothing quite as painful, hurtful and grueling as letting them go.

You would do anything to extend their lives and wish you could keep them forever and ever but they are precious beings that sprinkle some magic ferry dust upon our existence and eventually that dust blows away and goes to a far better place.

Saying goodbye to your dog is the only negative factor in the otherwise over the top love fest that grabs you by the hand and pulls you onto the floor for the dance of a lifetime.

It sways and jives around and around in a warm wonderful circle that makes our lives whole and teaches us about love and how much of it we are capable of giving and sharing.

WHERE DO DOGS GO WHEN THEY DIE?

I have lost several dogs in my lifetime. I can’t convey the pain, the loss, the feeling of hopelessness but I can tell you that through this devastation, I became a believer. Actually I became a crusader. I prayed that some kind of Dog Heaven (such as Rainbow Bridge) existed; I proclaimed it the best place on earth where the most incredible souls roamed – a place too sacred and spiritual for those of human form.

                                                                     BUDDY

One of the things that stuck with me after my dogs were gone was who will take care of them and how will they make it to wherever they go next? After all dogs need to be cared for their entire lives, they don’t grow up and move out and start a life of their own. 

I decided to Google "Doggie Heaven" and “Rainbow Bridge” and I read all this great stuff that other believers had written. Many were keeping in touch with their dogs as if they were skyping with them from earth. They imagined their dogs in this magical, beautiful place where they are eternally young, happy and healthy. All they do is play, eat and sleep ;much like they did here on earth.

I think dogs do deserve their own heaven but at the same time I selfishly wonder whether I will ever be granted a temporary pass so I can see my boys one last time.

I can’t live on rainbows or on stars and I can’t wake up and find my departed dogs by my bedside. I can’t bring them for a run in the woods or a swim in the lake and I can’t admire them from the couch as they sleep on their backs with their legs in the air.

 All I can do is close my eyes and remember their faces and hope that never fades.

I believe in rainbows, I believe in bridges that connect us to the souls we loved in our lifetimes, I believe my dogs miss me as much as I miss them and that if I write their names in the sky, they will see and know I haven’t forgotten them.

What do you believe?