9 THINGS YOUR DOG WANTS TO TELL YOU

#9 - YOU KNOW THAT NICE AZTEC PATTERN PILLOW ON THE COUCH? WELL WHEN YOU AREN'T HOME - I GRAB THAT PILLOW - I BITE THE CORNER OF IT BETWEEN MY FRONT TEETH AND I PUT THE REST OF IT UNDER ME AND I HUMP IT LIKE THERE IS NO TOMORROW. THEN I FEEL BAD SO I KISS IT AND PUT IT BACK THE WAY IT WAS AS IF NOTHING EVER HAPPENED.

#8 - YOU KNOW HOW GUILTY YOU FEEL WHEVER YOU HAVE TO LEAVE ME AT HOME ALONE? WELL THE TRUTH IS I CAN'T WAIT TO GET RID OF YOU - FINALLY SOME PEACE AND QUIET AND NONE OF THOSE STUPID PHOTOS - HEY THAT'S A PHONE - USE IT AS A PHONE.

#7 - YOU KNOW WHEN WE MEET UP WITH OTHER PEOPLE AND THEIR DOGS DURING OUR WALKS AND YOU START TO BLABB BLABB BLABB - WELL WHILE YOU ARE DOING THAT ME AND THE DOG ARE MAKING PLANS. I'M LIKE - HEY MY MOM IS GOING TO BE GONE ALL DAY TOMORROW - COME OVER AND WE CAN EAT COOKIES AND CHEESE OUT OF MY KONG - WE CAN GO ON HER LAPTOP AND EDIT HER MATCH.COM - "AM I EVER GOING TO MEET ANYONE ?"- PROFILE - AND WE CAN WATCH TV BUT NOT RAY DONOVAN BECAUSE IT REALLY SUCKS THIS SEASON. WHAT'S UP WITH THOSE WRITERS? I MEAN SERIOUSLY THEY HAVE AN AWESOME CAST WHO ARE JUST SITTING ON THE BENCH WAITING FOR A CHANCE UP AT BAT - GET IT TOGETHER WILL YA?

#6 - I AM ON DOG TINDER AND LET ME TELL YOU IT IS HARD TO SWIPE LEFT OR RIGHT WITH MY PAWS. ALSO I SCRATCHED YOUR PHONE AND I USED GEO-TAGGING SO THERE MAY BE A FEW PRETTY CANINE LADIES DROPPING BY - THAT MEANS THE BEDROOM IS MINE - HEY - I AM ASKED TO LEAVE WHENEVER YOU HAVE COMPANY AND I ONLY STICK AROUND BECAUSE I AM TRYING TO PROTECT YOU FROM THE PERSON WHO IS IN OUR BED MAKING ALL SORTS OF NOISES AND SHOUTING  "DON'T STOP!"  

#5 - LOOK OUT THE WINDOW - LICK THE WINDOW - LOOK OUT THE WINDOW - LICK THE WINDOW - OK NOW YOU TRY

      


#4 - I REALLY GET PEOPLE - I SMELL THEM AND I SENSE THEM - THOSE ARE TWO DIFFERENT THINGS - I KNOW WHO I WANT YOU CLOSE TO AND WHO I WANT AS FAR AWAY AS POSSIBLE FROM YOU - SO PAY CLOSE ATTENTION TO MY BODY LANGUAGE WHEN A NEW PERSON IS AROUND - I COULD SAVE YOU A LOT OF GRIEF.

#3 - I SIT IN FRONT OF YOU AND STARE AT YOU ON QUEUE A GOOD 15 MINUTES BEFORE DINNER TIME - THAT'S ME TELLING YOU THAT NO MATTER WHAT YOU ARE DOING THERE IS NOTHING MORE IMPORTANT THAN  FEEDING ME MY DINNER ON TIME. 

#2 - LIFE IS A JOURNEY NOT A PARKING LOT - IT'S ABOUT SAVING AND BEING SAVED. IT'S ABOUT LOVING WHO YOU LOVE - SUPPORT - TRUST - RESPECT AND IT'S ABOUT A GREAT BIG WARM HUG AND THAT PERFECT KISS THAT YOU NEVER FORGET. IT'S ABOUT THE MAGICAL MOMENTS THAT OFTEN LIVE IN THE SHADOWS BECAUSE LIFE IS TOUGH AND WE ALL STRUGGLE WITH SOMETHING OR SOMEONE - ITS ABOUT APPRECIATING THOSE MOMENTS WHEN THEY COME OUT INTO THE LIGHT AND EVERYTHING SHINES - THAT'S WHAT WE ARE HERE FOR

AND THE #1 THING YOUR DOG WANTS TO TELL YOU:

#1 - THANK YOU FOR SAVING ME - I AM GOING TO SPEND THE REST OF MY LIFE SAVING YOU.